safe...?

I have (had?) always been the ‘safe one’. I mean, the one who did not take risks. Sometimes, even the predictable one- conservative, cautious, unsure…safe. When I was a kid, I remember my family would say- “’A’ will never spend his savings (i.e20 rupees on a book) without thinking about it and debating whether it was more prudent to- and in all likelihood agreeing- to save it for a rainy day. Or, as the case may be, a rainier day., or even then- there must be a freakin’ storm worth saving it for.

Fast forward to after I started working. I was still conservative (and severely underpaid- um, wait some things haven’t changed I can see!)- multiplex movies and bar-beers were few and very far between. I did not save much, but did what I could. Actually, it is not even about the saving- it was the outlook. It was neutral, with leanings to the safe and ‘err on the side of caution’ kind.

Then I met D. Suddenly coffee shops and eating out became ok. Of course, we were ‘dating’, so that makes it understandable. The initial (courting?-ugh) period passed, we were more stable, less conscious but something had changed. I just figured doing things with her (with us) was worth it (whatever ‘it’ maybe) and there was not much point holding back. Life is to there to ‘enjoy’, live ‘to the fullest’, …those kinds of clichés hover around now. I won’t say I became reckless; but I thought more about ‘the moment” (and its implications), and less about what might be prudent. I don’t know if it was D, the time in life, or just the catalyst a something inside me was waiting for.

Today, I'm far more likely to spend the last dime from of the month than have skimped enough through the month to not. Y'know? We live on a tight budget, but my mind hardly changes. Yesterday I insisted D order another dish at a cheap dinner in Little India, even though we are strapped in these pre-Turkey days, insisting that surely a “fully satisfied” meal comes before anything else?
(Of course she was full, but that’s not the point).
What is then, you’d say- nothing, of course. And everything. I’d rather ‘go for it’ in many things now. I’d rather “buy a good one, what’s the point in skimping and buying a timepass camera”, for example. We want the good things in life, what’s the point in holding back. What should we hold back for [ok-that a rhetorical question!:)]
Is it better to regret what we did do or what we did not do?

We’ve talked of travel so much, lets just go for it<. Might as well. But this attitude on the trip? My my, that would be something else altogether- we don’t have flexibility in the wallet to be like that, ol' chap. Watch out!

and then this
in: ramblings / past